The Diversity Dialogues: Live with the Rainbow Jihad

From Steve Deace:

The following is not based on real events. Any allusions to persons or issues, either real or imaginary, is strictly coincidental. No live animals were harmed during the making of this satire, but a few dead ones were consumed. They were tasty, too. We just want you to know that.

Announcer: “Hi, you’re listening to Pride Radio, where it’s all Rainbow Jihad all the time. You know our motto, the only good religion is a silent one. We’re taking your calls at 1-800-666-LGBT. Let’s go next to Steve, who says he’s calling from America’s Heartland. Steve go ahead and speak your mind, and do so with pride!”

Steve: “Hi, um, Pat. Thanks for taking my call. I’ve got a few questions for the movement at this critical time in our nation’s history. Do you mind?”

Announcer: “Of course not. We’re all about tolerance and diversity here.”

Steve: “Gee, thanks Pat. You know, I’ve been thinking about all this controversy recently regarding so-called gay rights and religious liberty, and where the Constitution comes down on all of this. I’m hoping you can help me figure it out for both my gay and straight friends and family.”

Announcer: “By all means, fire away.”

Steve: “Okay, here’s my first one. Where in the Constitution does it say anything about having a right to any kind of sexual behavior? Second, how can you have a ‘right’ to something that requires consent from another party? For example, I can breathe on my own without consent from another, which is why if you try to stop me from breathing you’re charged with murder for violating my right to life. Yet, the only people who claim they get to have sex with any adult they choose are called rapists. Certainly you’re not an advocate for rape, Pat, so where does this supposed ‘right’ to have sex come from then?”

Announcer: “It’s called the freedom of association, Steve.”

Steve: “Yea, about that, Pat. Did you know the words ‘freedom of association’ are nowhere in the Constitution? Which was actually going to be my third question, so great minds think alike. Besides, even if those words were there the men that would’ve written them all would’ve came from colonies that viewed homosexuality as a crime against nature. So you can’t logically make the assumption your behavior is what they meant.”

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